Our relationship is about connection. My mate pays attention. He is interested in all aspects of my life. The arousal that results from a spanking isn't due to the spanking, but due to his willingness to lead, even when it's difficult or I am difficult. Nothing is too trivial for me to talk about, to need, or to trivial for him to notice.

Being connected means he would never require me to do something he knows I would absolutely detest. Being in the leadership role means he would find a different way to get the same desired results. He may want me to exercise but knows how much I hate exercising. He could require me to exercise anyway, and when I didn't comply, spank me. I would feel oppressed should that happen. I would feel my feelings didn't matter or weren't important. Or, he could decide that we take a walk together every night. I get the exercise I need, but I get it in a way that is enjoyable.

Our relationship isn't just about him leading and me submitting. It's about the connection between us that enables him to effectively lead and me to submit. It's about him having intimate knowledge of my emotions, my thought process, my needs (the ones I can easily verbalize and the ones I can't but need to). It's about him seeing what I need and finding a way for that need to be filled in a positive way. I am always amazed at how quickly he senses things, hears things in my voice that I thought I was hiding. He picks up on the slightest sound of stress no matter how hard I try not to sound stressed.

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He bears my pissy moments very well, rather indulgently really, until I cross the line of disrespect or inconsideration. That will get me over his knee for a ‘serious’ spanking. The arousal aspect of it is not the spanking per se, but that he cares enough about our connection to spank me.

I have his complete attention, total interest, his loyalty, his love. He is devoted not only to me, but to our connection, our relationship. I try to do things that please my mate. I don't do this to keep from getting a spanking though. I do it because I am very much in love with him.

Different strokes for different folks

Being protected and cared for is something most Taken In Hand women want, but many do not want their relationship to involve ‘correction’, ‘discipline’, etc. That is an optional extra.

I have toyed with the idea of ‘serious’ discipline since discovering the world of DD and Taken In Hand, but have come to the conclusion that it isn't for me. I have always found being spanked erotic, and that is how it remains for me.

If I didn't want to exercise, there would be no way that my husband could beat me into doing it (he would be the last man in the world to do this anyway, since exercise is anathema to him). I try to do things that I know will please him, and not to do things that I know annoy him, but that's because I want to please him, not because I'm afraid of being beaten if I don't.

Some women like being pinned down on a bed, etc. Others, like me, would find this rather alarming. I find my husband's ability to exercise control over me mentally more interesting that physical control, which is no big deal. He's bigger and stronger than me; so are most men – so what? It's the fact that he can flick that switch within me and make me feel submissive with just a word or a look that I find exciting.

Today's society is more flexible than it ever was in the past, and people have greater freedom to choose different kinds of relationships than they ever did. No one kind of relationship suits everyone, and the male head of the household kind is just one kind.

Not all women will want the same thing, not because they're afraid of their feelings or in denial or anything, but just because it simply doesn't suit them.